Have you seen the MINIWEEN????….check out http://www.miniween.com to watch the progress…. -madsteez
February 8th, 2010
February 7th, 2010
Is there a target audience that would enjoy reading the opinions of
someone much, much less informed than them on the Superbowl? Probably
the same genre of people who voted for Obama and like to watch Fox
News “for the lulz” (hot tip: you may have turned it on to laugh but
instead you will find yourself brokenhearted and angry).
I know a little about football, mostly from when I was working on a
reality show and the contestants played touch football against each
other. The director yelled “someone cover the —–line” (memory of
terms is hazy) and then said “haven’t you ever watched football
before?” as a general question to myself and the other camera
operators. Of course, I have not. I am a woman, raised by a single
mom, in Canada. When other children were watching football I was
talking about feelings while getting free dental care from the
government.
When I moved to Los Angeles at 17, I enrolled in a school with a
football team that people were heavily emotionally invested in. The
closest I came to attending a game was an overnight sailing class
field trip with three USC football players. I’ll never forget the
visual of three big, beached whales, spread-eagled on the bow of the
boat, moaning like sad ghosts. Seasickness–apparently their achilles
heel (until they get older and graduate to violence against
girlfriends/wives/dogs).
*Michael Vick: Football Player who loves dogs.
I’m not completely ignorant. I know there’s two teams, one team has
the ball, a dude in the back throws it to another dude further toward
the other team’s end and that guy has to run and avoid being tackled.
There’s some dudes who try and block other dudes from tackling him,
and I think he can throw the ball to other fellas. When he gets
tackled they note how far he got and then they do it again, but
starting from that spot, kind of like red light, green light, a game I
understand the intricacies of far better. The goal is to get the ball
all the way to the end of the other team’s side, which is a touchdown.
That’s the best part because the bro dances a little, or sometimes, a
lot. At some point, a dude gets a chance to kick the ball through the
big wishbone at the end of the other team’s field and if it goes
through he gets a point, or probably more. This is called a free kick,
maybe you get it when there’s a penalty.
Some other elements of a football game that I’ve learned this season:
-They like to cut to shots of the coaches yelling. Coaches look like
if Yosemite Sam were drawn by R. Crumb, but with white hair.
-The cheerleaders aren’t as salacious or heavily-featured as my
pop-culture knowledge led me to believe they would be.
-I wish regular newscasters were as detailed and well-informed as the
commentators on football.
-They always use that one “A” (cross) filter on the cameras to make
all the stadium lights look like the star from when Jesus was born.
Star of David? Star of Bethlehem? Betelgeuse?
Here’s my expectations/worries/predictions for the Superbowl:
-I am rooting for the Saints because they are the only team I know of
that’s playing. And hey, Katrina sucked. This may change if everyone
at the party is rooting for the other team.
-I hope there are vegetarian snack options and non-alcoholic beverages.
-I am excited for the commercials, but not excited for the halftime
show. I don’t know who it is, but I’m guessing it’s one of the biggest
bands of all time, who I have no knowledge of beyond their name.
-I resolve to try and ask questions and enjoy the game. If that fails,
I resolve to jump on the host and hostess’s trampoline outside…
respectfully.
Well, happy Superbowl Sunday everyone, and if I learn anything I’ll
report back later with a post-game wrap up.
February 5th, 2010
*Sonically we’re in control
We’re the diamond in your soul
Images come thick and fast
From the future, from the past*
Leftfield-Original-1995
I have travelled back in time and met the future…
Captains Log: Stardate : February 2010..Sector : Charleston,South Carolina,The U.S.and A…
(This is best read with a fake British accent…)
Sounds a little crazy to me except I did the travel bit and am here in the past letting you know the future finally looks awesome/hopeful/good and delicious…It’s been awhile hasn’t it?…”Yes indeed it has Sir” is what your inner-voice just said.Listen up.
A few evenings ago I was invited by the local barista at my favorite little coffeehouse here in lovely Charleston,South Carolina to attend a fundraiser at the Memminger Auditorium in downtown Charleston for the new Halsey Institute of Contemporary Art ( http://halsey.cofc.edu/ ) housed at the College of Charleston featuring the musical stylings of local musicians “The Opposite of a Train” ( http://www.myspace.com/theoppositeofatrain )…seemed like a good cause , cause I’d gone to an exhibition at the aformentioned Halsey Institute the week before and it was rather rad.period. *re-read that part…there’s a lot of info to digest…
So I went…and I went expecting the typical hipster/indie/mopey/shoegaze “i fantasize locally about fame” type of music that seems to be tolerated by misinformed *fans* of live music as of late…
*Set Phasers to Stun*
The Opposite of a Train at its’ core element is a 3 man-group…no…not the bass/guitar/drums 3-man group…guitar and drums yes…and piano,banjo,accordion,french horn or whatever it is that looks ‘like a french horn’ but is actually called a flugleheimer or something,marimba,trumpet and the list goes on…and these fuckers play each of their many instruments.Great.Period.
Here’s how it works;
Bill Carson sings.Gorgeously.
Ron Wiltrout drums.Amazingly.
Nathan Koci plays.Perfectly.
Actually Piano-Playing Nathan may have stolen Carrot Tops prop-crate because I honestly lost count of how many instruments he played.He’d reach down and pull something new out for every song.I was hoping for a rabbit or a bouquet of colorful flowers at the end but they’d already hand-delivered Rainbows of Sound and Unicorns of Glee by that point…yes, Glee…real genuine “I’m glad I am here seeing this in person” Glee, not that stupid tv show that’s apparently “hilariously funny”,it isn’t…
These three fine fellows had a couple of friends join them…Kevin Hamilton, Charlton Singleton, Clint Fore, and Wilton Elder were the Brass/Stand-up Bass section,all bad-asses in the world of complicated musical jazz stylings,see; http://www.jazzartistsofcharleston.org/ for some info on a couple of these Soul-Crushers…and a few ‘real’ singers helped out too…Carry Ann Hearst,Michael Trent, Lindsay Holler,Joel Hamilton and Stephanie Underhill (barista mentioned earlier)…Hipsters everywhere should shave off the Ironic beards and ironic Moustaches and just go get jobs selling insurance because this Massive Collective of real real Talent will most certainly get hipsters in touch with true feelings of shame and fraud for pretending they might have a hidden talent…let’s picture for a minute Clay Aiken VS. Janis Joplin…wait for it…exactly.case closed.I saw the Future and it’s coming to get you.Isn’t it Ironic?
Joel Hamilton broke everyones heart all at the same precise moment he sang Led Zeppelins ‘Going to California’.He really did.Mine’s still broke
Cowboy Ballads/Moving Classical upswells of rolling hills sound/Jazz flavored Jazz/Honky-Tonk/Bluesy Blues/Foot-Stomping playground Rhymes/Spirituals/Heart-Breakers…like a proper Sunday Church Picnic,there was plenty of everything for everyone.
I can’t properly convey how fucking awesome it was simply with words…ok,It was Awesome!.there.
Big Ups to
Maryland!
Crooklyn! X2 nights…What what what???
Mass.!
Maine!
The D to the C!!
Go see these guys and give them hugs/bring a friend/you won’t be bummed/unless you suck/then you should be bummed in person by greatness/it’s only fair.
Feb 5 2010 7:00P
Sweet Ellicott City, Maryland
Feb 6 2010 8:00P
Clover’s Gallery Brooklyn, New York
Feb 8 2010 10:00P
Goodbye Blue Monday Brooklyn, New York
Feb 9 2010 8:00P
Whitehaus Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts
Feb 10 2010 8:00P
Hog Farm Annex Biddeford, Maine
Feb 15 2010 6:00P
Kennedy Center Millennium Stage Washington,D.C.
links to the shows w/ addresses are above and here http://www.myspace.com/theoppositeofatrain
Word.
CD
February 4th, 2010
Well hello. Look at this song Eddie Murphy sang about me and check me out in the video. I am in the black and white blazer in this cameo appearance. Also Rick James has such Cool hair and bangs. Sue Ann is in there too but I don’t know if you can see her. Sue Ann is a model who is also a very good dancer. As you can see, Eddie’s friends, especially the guy in the white polo shirt, are also very good dancers too.
Lisa
February 3rd, 2010
5:41 pm: Mind Loss Status Update: I am very busy doing some more thinking. The topics I am currently thinking about are as follows:
1. I am considering changing my current status in life from Really Really Cool person to Mentally Ill Person.
2. One of the reasons I am considering this change is that
Being Really Really Cool did not get me paid as much as I had believed it would, and it is also not as much
fun as it used to be. I am not that interested in being a Hipster, and Hipsters are also Really Really Cool.
3. Also, I am old enough now to fit in better with the Mentally Ill Person crowd, and this will possibly make my
writing more “engaging” to potential employers. You know, because everyone has to have a hook.
4. This may just work.
5. Mental Illness runs in my family, so I will be legitimate and not a phony.
6. Being a Mentally Ill Person will give me credibility for my “outside the box” type of thinking.
7. Yes, this is good, because when you are raised by Mentally Ill People, “outside the box” type of thinking
is exactly one of the first, if not one of the only things you learn, besides how to run away from home,
and to not cry or be embarassed when your Dad tries to get a 17 year old fired for not honoring his
raincheck for 2 gallons of milk for the price of one at Kmart during the Holiday season.
8. That is a lie. I learned more things than that. For example, I also learned that Kmart is a Bad Place, and
that I am not allowed to ever go inside a Kmart again.
9. Ooh, here is some more that I learned: How to drive 4 cylinder Cadillacs on the freeway when I did not
realize my Dad only had time to undo 2 of the 4 cylinders so no one would drive the car while he and my
stepmother were out of town gambling large sums of money on Blackjack in Las Vegas.
He usually undid all 4 cylinders.
9. Changing my status as a Really Really Cool Person in life to a Mentally Ill Person in life may very well be a
great idea, because all of these things I learned clearly show some “outside the
box” type of thinking, which I am told by people who know things that corporate types really like.
These are just some of the many possibilities I am currently throwing around. You know, throw it out there, see what sticks. I hope I am onto something.
Thank you.
Lisa
February 3rd, 2010
I am going crazy. I do not have time to do my hair. I lied. I have all the time in the world to do my hair. I just don’t have the mental capacity to do it. Losing your mind is so weird. It’s much different than I had ever imagined. There are so many things to think about, and not enough time to accomplish all of the things I intend to think about.
I bet this guy will be able to get his hair finished very soon, once he gets into jail. I am realizing the benefits of going to jail. People will totally do my hair there. More on this later, as I have a bunch of very unimportant and pressing things to go think about.
Things such as, but not limited to:
1. Should I take a shower?
2. But I don’t feel like taking a shower.
3. But I should really take a shower.
4. I have to do laundry.
5. I will NOT do laundry AGAIN today! Because I am rebelling against myself! You have to stand for
something, or else you will fall for anything. Today I am taking a stand.
6. I wonder what it would feel like to be able to purchase toilet paper freely?
7. I think I should imagine some people I know who have the means to freely purchase toilet paper
AND dog food, AT THE SAME TIME. Wow. That’s going to be an intense imagination session.
8. The above imagination exercise may be a bit too much for me to handle right now. I think I should go back
to telling my pug Harriett how pretty she is for another hour.
9. Aha, I will add in a new sing song voice with a possible Latvian accent to spice it up when I tell Harriett
how pretty she is.
10. After this, I should practice all of the different ways I can say “Hello.” This will come in handy should
anyone ever choose to want to say “Hello” to me in person or on the telephone.
11. Number 10 is such a good idea. It may also come in handy should I have the opportunity to come into
contact with possible employers, whose age, ethnicity, and outlook on life will definitely vary, since there
are so many different types of people in this world. Being poor, ok destitute, I realize I must be available
and appealing to all of them in order to have any chance at survival.
Variety is very important.
I will be updating the status of the loss of my mind later, including images, which will be a real treat.
1:48 pm: Mind Loss Status Update: I have failed. I have done 2 loads of laundry and continued to look for work. I am missing out on a lot of important mindfuckery.
4:21 pm: Mind Loss Status Update: I am still a success at going mental. Oh what relief! I find myself laughing “A Ha Ha HA HAAAA!” loudly, to myself, at nothing in particular. This has happened approximately once every hour or so today. Mindfuckery is still very much present. I even went to the store in “is she homeless or is she just crazy, because she clearly is not an Olsen twin” looking pajama type clothes that didn’t match. I am really getting into the spirit of this losing my mind thing.
Lisa
January 29th, 2010
I recently thought I was going crazy and also becoming an old person. Then I found out about the song “Pants on The Ground” and it changed my life. I am in so much less pain now both mentally and physically. Yes, I am still sick. Yes, everything still hurts. However, I now sing “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool! with your pants on the ground” to myself all day and all night and I’m ready to party again. I cannot stop singing this very catchy tune which is also full of honesty.
Since I got sick 2 years ago, and found out that my health insurance not only did not cover my “situation” (my body completely stopped working due to severe complex ptsd, which i’ve had since age 4 onward, thanks Dad!) but instead wanted instead to give me drugs, and lots and lots of them, I have been facing some challenges. Not being able to find work to pay for the medical care I need to get and stay healthy, or to buy clothes that aren’t from Y2K, or to pay for anything to keep everyone knowing how Really Really Cool I still am, and feeling most of the time like I’m going to faint, have a seizure, or my head will roll off my body, and other fun things like this, has been really stressful. I am a party animal at heart, so I have been sad. Very very sad.
“Pants on the Ground” has changed all of this! I am still rolling on quarters basically, don’t know where my next meal is coming from, and am totally still Really Really Cool also. “Pants on the Ground,” I am so in love with you you are my best friend now. I am not crazy. I knew I was not crazy. You do look like a fool with your pants on the ground! Life is good thanks to this great song. I wish I could tell the government about this song. On second thought, I take that back. I do not like the government. I like the song “Pants on the Ground.”
Lisa
January 21st, 2010
Also, this video only got 2 out of 5 stars. What is this shit with people? 2 stars? It’s because he’s a minority. A little fat minority with an attitude, like me. Us minorities are always getting fucked. Watch the pose at the end of the video and then tell me that Mini Daddy only deserves 2 out of 5 stars. He has like 8000 outfit changes, and he has another thing that a lot of videos don’t have: sexy 10 year old girls dancing. Good thing for this video otherwise a lot of people were about to get stabbed.
Lisa
January 20th, 2010
It’s pissing cats and dogs here in LA while round two of the Australian Open rages on which means that a. I haven’t left my bed all day, and b. I’m in the throws of some serious early 90s Agassi obsession. Sure, after the publication of his shockingly good auto-biography “OPEN” (since when are sports stars also good writers?), Andre Agassi is everywhere these days. But even before telling the world about his meth-fueled tennis days, disastrous marriage to an emotionally stunted actress (Brooke Shields – hello!!), and dazzling mullet hair pieces (did you know he went completely bald in his early twenties and spent years sporting fake hair held on by glue and sweat bands!!), there was the acid-washed denim tennis shorts. Agassi with the help of a little company called Nike, put acid-washed sports wear on the map and you have to love him for it. So, before I figure out how to leave this amazingly comfortable bed and magical world of not having eaten all day because that would require me to get out of bed, let’s take an acid washed flash-back at Agassi’s bedazzling love affair with acid washed wear…. phew…
mmmmm…. spandex
more spandex, but sassed up with some remarkably flexible denim short shorts
the soft pouffy hair? UhhMAZING!!! And…the shorts, the pink v-neck t-shirt, the gold chain… the eyebrows…it does not get any better than this… ok, and now, at 7:45pm, I will really attempt to leave the bed…. just kidding!!!
Samantha
January 20th, 2010
I did not know this. I have been stuck in this Landosystem. I had no idea today was Wednesday.
Ok, thanks.
Lisa
