Dear Lisa Roth,

Today is your birthday. Don’t worry, I won’t let the cat out of the bag and tell everyone how old your old ass is. But let’s just say that now you can finally buy those cigarettes yourself instead of asking the old homeless man outside of the 7-11 on Santa Monica to buy GPCs for you. But you’re still not old enough to drink. TOO BAD. In lieu of a drink, I’m going to honor you with some regaling.
You’re one beautiful, crazy friend.

Love you goober!
Lia Cheyenne

I love me some crazy people who have somewhere to live. America, you really are the best country. I love you so much. Please keep it coming crazy white people!

Lisa

“And that way, I have to think about not what is best for my vagina but what is best for my fans and for me artistically.”

I mean, just for the use of the V word, you’ve got to love her. For that gem and many more and even some that sound like they were taken straight from Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, this interview “The World According to Gaga” by Horacio Silva in the New York Times Magazine is pretty awesomely indulgent.

Quick! Lady Gaga’s Lady Gaga Pop Quiz:
Answer the following multiple choice answer correctly to win a Chloe Sevigny MOHAIR sweater from Opening Ceremony!!!

a. Lady Gaga
b. Artifice
c. Artificial
d. Hermaphrodite
e. Gaga

Send us the correct answer for your chance to win a really furry skin and eye irritating MOHAIR cardigan!!

Samantha
(Disclaimer: you will not actually win my new cardigan that I am deathly allergic to, but you never know, I could consider it)

Mohair.

Maybe I didn’t see the words, “a super soft angora feel heavy knit,” or maybe this is the problem with shopping on line late at night, but when my new Chloe Sevigny cardigan from Opening Ceremony arrived in the mail, I did not realize the magnitude of my purchase until several hours later, puffy and swollen and extremely sedated from benadryl and with animal control on the way, I had the thought that maybe, maybe this had not turned out the way I had hoped.

Here’s what happened: It arrived in the morning and I immediately tore open the box and pulled it out of the tissue knowing that this blue leopard sweater was to be the answer to so many of my life problems. I had similar success several years ago with an orange leopard cashmere cardigan, and I knew from the moment I laid eyes on this little hipster unisex dandylion that we would have some seriously fun times together. I lustily undid all the buttons and slipped on my new fuzzy turquoise problem solver and got in my car to run some errands and go to the studio. It felt soft and fuzzy on my skin like I had curled into the soft pouch lining of a sedated koala bear (oh, no, that’s kangaroos…hmmm… ok, well more Koala cooch than Kanga), and as the soothing sounds of CHILL on XM radio kept me from my inexhaustible road rage, I noticed that tiny little blue fuzzies were gently floating around me. In fact, the little blue fuzzies were not only floating everywhere but they were now coating every single surface of me, my car, my blackberry cover, my Birkin.

I thought, oh it’s new, it just needs to shed a little, it will be done shedding soon.

Cue to several hours later: A deranged woman in Barn and Nobles wearing a knitted bunny sweater and bunny slippers tells me she “loves” my cardigan, “so fun.” Not so fun; the sweater is clearly overwhelmed by the warm California climate and cannot stop shedding. Within minutes of arriving home there are swirling blue dust bunnies in every corner of my home. My boyfriend is coated, my black leggings are fuzzy and smurf blue, and I have started to feel that I have fur all over my face and I can’t stop touching all my exposed skin. I am still obsessed with the sweater and it’s life transforming potential, so I decide to keep it on in the hopes that I will “adjust.” We go out to grab sushi and I bring the sweater. Huge mistake: It continues to shed in the sushi restaurant and as I watch blue fuzz coat my napkin and sashimi and neighbors at the sushi bar I am now in the throws of a massive allergic reaction.

I am genuinely distraught. I had no idea this sweater would be MOHAIR – I feel deceived by somehow neglecting to think that people would still make clothes with this 6th grade home perm and nightmare of a material. Not knowing exactly what animals Mo’s are, I looked up Mohair on Wikipedia and now know it is a conspiracy because “the General Assembly of the United Nations proclaimed 2009 to be the International Year of Natural Fibres, so as to raise the profile of mohair and other natural fibres.” At who’s cost I ask you, United Nations?!! Well, it turns out there are no such thing as Mo’s, Mohair is just a weird and fancy word for goat hair.

I don’t know what to do. It is such a problem solver and such a fantastically adaptable wardrobe addition but it turns out I am deathly allergic to MO. I have sealed it in a medi-vac bag and I plan on consulting with my maid early Monday morning as to what to do with my new purchase. She was the one who suggested I NOT put my Stella McCartney sweater in the wash to make it smaller, but she does, however, have a thing for washing cashmere, which is why I am always donating cashmere sweaters to babies. She’ll know what to do. And if she doesn’t, I’ll try FURminating it with this little guy’s hair brush.

Samantha

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MINIWEEN????

For more photos and an events calander on where you’ll see the MINIWEEN go to http://www.miniween.com….

There are some things in life I cannot handle. This is one of them. I cannot handle this pug dressed as Teen Wolf (thank you Ali MacLean). It’s just too much. I think I need to kill this pug because I do not know what the hell else I am supposed to do with myself when I see it. TeenWolfpug you are so awesome I feel like I am being stabbed underneath my ribcage and I have pain on the inside from your awesomeness.

Thanks Kane.

Lisa

Some new packaging and a new colorway, AVO for eskuche…..

Also the new catalog…pretty gangster cuz its a 7″ rekerd sleeve with the product cards inserted inside….

-madsteez

Crackhead Leprachaun, it’s been way too long. I’ve missed you. As Sam is fond of saying, “It could be a crackhead, who got hold of da wrong stuff! They told him to go up in a tree and play a leprachaun.”

That lady is super smart. She obviously is excellent at following my motto in life “I must get to the bottom of this.” I need you in my life Crackhead Leprachaun Figureouter Lady. You always know what’s really going on.

Lisa

I have been really depressed and also feeling sad again.  Pants on the Ground has not been doing it’s job cheering me up like it once did.  I have been feeling lost. So lost.  It’s really hard feeling this lost. I wonder if this is because I have recently made the Successful transition from being a Really Really Cool person to being a Regular Person? I suppose this is something to think about, although I’d really rather not. I’d much rather just feel the gloriousness that comes with being a Regular Person, as thinking about it just sounds really boring and totally not awesome.

In the Just For a Moment I Have Excellent News department, I found out about Creepy Russian Guy Who Sings Without Words, and I have been momentarily cheered up.  I wish all of my days could be filled with the feeling that losing myself in the magic of Creepy Russian Guy Who Sings Without Words gives me.  Sadly, I have learned that this isn’t possible.

So, until next time, please share in the joy of Creepy Russian Guy Who Sings Without Words with me.  Someone please share with me.  I am so lonely.

Lisa